My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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