this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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