I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize