I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize