Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
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She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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