i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
is it fun? or sober?
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