peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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