I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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