found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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