I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize