i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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