yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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