oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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