I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize