Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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