I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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