So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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