guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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