Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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