Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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