We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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