He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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