Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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