I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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