dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize