I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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