the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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