I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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