You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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