I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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