I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize