Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Come share oat with me in your robe
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You ruined the universe
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