peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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