So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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