Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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