you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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