I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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