she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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