so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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