I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize