Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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