one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize