My hand turned me down
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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