you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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