she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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