so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize