They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize