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My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we're making bets on your personal life
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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