I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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