so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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